Walking through the Fire

gateway

New moon, soft rainy skies, and the anniversary of one of the most painful days of my life.  Oh Sunday, go home, you’re drunk.

This past Sunday was a doozy. I had a total meltdown over losing my keys (dear Mercury retrograde, please go away). I couldn’t even cope with the frustration, I just fell to pieces. I was self-aware enough to wonder what the hell was going on with me… and then it hit me. I looked at the date. And there was my answer.
January 10, 2010 was one of the worst days of my life. Upheaval of things I trusted implicitly, total disruption of what I thought my life really was. Even with the comfort of friends and family I felt (and still feel, to a certain extent) deeply, irretrievably alone.
In six years, I’ve learned to love and forgive and nourish my spirit in ways that I wouldn’t have known otherwise. I used to think of myself as ‘healing’ – then as I was working on my intentions for 2015, I realized that I could release healing and consider myself healed. That was a permission that hadn’t occurred to me until then and it’s given me a lot to think about over the past year. I will always have the experience and the memories- but I have walked through the fire.
I wish it had never happened, but if it hadn’t I wouldn’t know my own strength. Who I am today would not be as well-defined. I wouldn’t know the depth of my own wisdom and resilience. I wouldn’t have this drive to serve women in their own journeys through life. I’m ready to channel these lessons into a source of strength for others. From disaster, through healing, to today – I wasn’t just formed, I was forged.
Thanks for reading <3