Tag: truth

004 who I am

I am a white woman in a white supremacist patriarchy. It is the water I have always lived in, the air I’ve always breathed. I have always known this, have always sensed it. It has only become so extraordinarily clear in the past two years as my country has endorsed and elected a nazi-sympathizing rapist buffoon to the presidency. White women – women who look just like me, live their lives like I do – voted for this regime that celebrates violence, toxic masculinity, and white supremacy. It’s almost more than I can bear – but not addressing it is a form of privilege, and I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.

I haven’t said enough about my position. I sent a newsletter with my personal manifesto after the nazi rallies in Charlottesville, and I have followed and shared and commented… it’s not enough.

I have felt helpless, outraged, hopeless, frightened. I have worried and cried and lost sleep. Not enough.

I will write much more about this as I find words to express it. For now I will start with this: my blog, my life, the spaces I inhabit are not apolitical. As a straight white able-bodied woman in America today, I have a duty to create justice for those who do not have the privileges I have. This is going to take me WAY outside my comfort zone and I am doing the personal and public work to step into it. I worry a LOT about getting it “right” and not screwing up, saying the wrong thing, doing inadvertent damage. I am doing my best to move forward with these fears.

I invite you to share your story, to listen, to learn. Anyone who is abusive or fragile in this space will be removed.

Please read this: http://www.wildmysticwoman.com/poetry-prose/white-women-white-supremacy-1

And this: http://www.wildmysticwoman.com/poetry-prose/white-women-white-supremacy-2

More to come.

Walking through the Fire

gateway

New moon, soft rainy skies, and the anniversary of one of the most painful days of my life.  Oh Sunday, go home, you’re drunk.

This past Sunday was a doozy. I had a total meltdown over losing my keys (dear Mercury retrograde, please go away). I couldn’t even cope with the frustration, I just fell to pieces. I was self-aware enough to wonder what the hell was going on with me… and then it hit me. I looked at the date. And there was my answer.
January 10, 2010 was one of the worst days of my life. Upheaval of things I trusted implicitly, total disruption of what I thought my life really was. Even with the comfort of friends and family I felt (and still feel, to a certain extent) deeply, irretrievably alone.
In six years, I’ve learned to love and forgive and nourish my spirit in ways that I wouldn’t have known otherwise. I used to think of myself as ‘healing’ – then as I was working on my intentions for 2015, I realized that I could release healing and consider myself healed. That was a permission that hadn’t occurred to me until then and it’s given me a lot to think about over the past year. I will always have the experience and the memories- but I have walked through the fire.
I wish it had never happened, but if it hadn’t I wouldn’t know my own strength. Who I am today would not be as well-defined. I wouldn’t know the depth of my own wisdom and resilience. I wouldn’t have this drive to serve women in their own journeys through life. I’m ready to channel these lessons into a source of strength for others. From disaster, through healing, to today – I wasn’t just formed, I was forged.
Thanks for reading <3