New moon, soft rainy skies, and the anniversary of one of the most painful days of my life. Oh Sunday, go home, you’re drunk.
This past Sunday was a doozy. I had a total meltdown over losing my keys (dear Mercury retrograde, please go away). I couldn’t even cope with the frustration, I just fell to pieces. I was self-aware enough to wonder what the hell was going on with me… and then it hit me. I looked at the date. And there was my answer.
January 10, 2010 was one of the worst days of my life. Upheaval of things I trusted implicitly, total disruption of what I thought my life really was. Even with the comfort of friends and family I felt (and still feel, to a certain extent) deeply, irretrievably alone.
In six years, I’ve learned to love and forgive and nourish my spirit in ways that I wouldn’t have known otherwise. I used to think of myself as ‘healing’ – then as I was working on my intentions for 2015, I realized that I could release healing and consider myself healed. That was a permission that hadn’t occurred to me until then and it’s given me a lot to think about over the past year. I will always have the experience and the memories- but I have walked through the fire.
I wish it had never happened, but if it hadn’t I wouldn’t know my own strength. Who I am today would not be as well-defined. I wouldn’t know the depth of my own wisdom and resilience. I wouldn’t have this drive to serve women in their own journeys through life. I’m ready to channel these lessons into a source of strength for others. From disaster, through healing, to today – I wasn’t just formed, I was forged.
Thanks for reading <3