I am inconsistent. Forgetful. Scattered. Twice in the past two days, I’ve made dumb mistakes that have cost me time and money. I say I’m a coach but I have a website I hate, no programs or group offerings, no consistent engagement on any platform. I make promises I don’t keep. I start projects and don’t finish. Last year, my own coach dumped me because I didn’t show up consistently. I swore I would do better for myself to make up for the stunning hurt that rejection caused. And then I didn’t.
Every time I start to write a blog post or newsletter I feel compelled to add a line about ‘I know it’s been a while… but I’m still here!’ But then I’m embarrassed to show up that way and I write nothing. And accomplish nothing.
I have a burning desire beyond words to serve, to witness, to create, to teach OTHER PEOPLE how to get THEIR stuff done – but I get so caught in the feedback loops in my own head that I do not accomplish what I desire. I am sick of beating myself up, crying, starting over, floundering, beating myself up again.
I am exhausted from my silence, my fear, my broken promises, my disappointment. I am sick of myself. Other people are sick of me. I am not practicing for myself what I preach, which is to envision and consciously create the life you desire and live it every day.
I possess genius, purpose, compassion, and courage. I am a love warrior, a brilliant mind, a sensitive heart, a space holder, and a joy enabler. I am an amazing mom & wife. I give my all and I believe I am worthy of greatness.
Every damn day, for 108 days starting today, I am showing up in this space. Blog post, quote, article share, book review, photo, journal prompt, Q&A, video, whatever. I bring my whole, open, vulnerable heart as I step across this line I’ve drawn in the sand. I am fully and utterly devoted to myself, to my role as a coach and writer, to my invincible summer, to the public sharing of my personal journey: to make a promise to myself, and to keep it.