I’ve been taking on more volunteer jobs lately, which means meeting more people, which means introducing myself (gulp). And I realized a few things along the way.
I have a deeply felt sense of my purpose, but I don’t put it out clearly or comfortably. I live it, but I am not communicating it with ease, with flourish, with conviction. I desire to lead other women toward their purpose, I feel I have the tools and leadership to do so, but I am [still] not walking my talk to the extend I can/should.
I have internalized the societal discount of mothering. This is my first job, highest priority, sacred calling above all else. I have never used the phrase ‘just a mom’ – I know better than that – but I have silently flogged myself with ‘not good enough’ a million times. I have been bringing myself into daily connection with the beauty and mystery of them, the lessons they bring me, the growth I have experienced (without selling myself short) and still must leave myself open to experience (without beating myself up).
This social anxiety shit has got to stop.
The more peace I find in yoga and meditation, the more I want to share. I am also trying to be mindful of the issues with colonization of yoga so I can practice and teach with the utmost respect and authenticity.
Caring for myself, loving myself, filling my cup. Keeping my damn promises to myself. Devotion. Treasuring my moments of solitude, connection, sweat, tears, effort, ease. Retreating powerfully so I can emerge wholeheartedly.